The Pasay Juice Trap: A Satire of Liquid Suffering -- An Investigation into the City's Expensive, Ineffective, and Deeply Unnecessary Juice Cleanse Trend The post The Pasay Juice Trap: A Satire of Liquid Suffering appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Mykaelah Santos

Makati Executive's Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Hole Puncher: The 'Aggressive Aperture' and the Shame of the Simple Piercing -- When Your Document Tool Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Vetted for Perfection The post Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Hole Puncher: The ‘Aggressive Aperture’ and the Shame of the Simple Piercing appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Maria Lopez

Makati Corporate Employee Performance Review Strategy (The Aggressive Validation): The Aggressive Exclusion and the Shame of the Simple Grade -- When Your Staff Integration Is a Vicious Statement and Your Policy Is a High-Cost Performance The post Makati Corporate Employee Performance Review Strategy (The Aggressive Validation): The Aggressive Exclusion and the Shame of the Simple Grade appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Alan...

Makati Office Emergency Lighting System Vetting Drama: The Aggressive Lumen and the Shame of the Simple Flashlight -- When Your Safety Marker Is a Vicious Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Managed by a High-Cost Consultant The post Makati Office Emergency Lighting System Vetting Drama: The Aggressive Lumen and the Shame of the Simple Flashlight appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Bill Wittliff

Makati Executive's Favorite Obscure 1st Century Samaritan Geographer: The 'Aggressive Cartography' and the Shame of the Simple Location -- When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The post Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 1st Century Samaritan Geographer: The ‘Aggressive Cartography’ and the Shame of the Simple Location appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Mykaelah Santos

A Westside local has reacted with disbelief and horror upon learning of the existence of eastern Los Angeles LOS ANGELES – A Westside Los Angeles resident is reportedly in a state of profound denial this week after discovering that a substantial portion of the city, including numerous thriving neighborhoods, exists east of the 405 freeway, a revelation he has described as “frankly impossible” and “deeply upsetting.” The...

A Silver Lake studio unveiled a session of such transcendence that human participation is impossible LOS ANGELES – A Silver Lake yoga studio has unveiled an advanced class so transcendent, so spiritually demanding, and so conceptually pure that no human being is capable of attending it, a development the studio describes as “our most enlightened offering yet.” The Class The session, titled Beyond, requires participants to “release...

International observers have classified the Los Angeles airport as a sovereign entity in permanent crisis LOS ANGELES – International observers have formally classified Los Angeles International Airport as an independent failed state this week, citing its ungovernable territory, perpetual state of crisis, and complete breakdown of any functional order, particularly in the area surrounding the rental car shuttles. The Designation The...

A 40-million-dollar estate has been marketed as a renovation project due to its lack of a second infinity pool LOS ANGELES – A $40 million Malibu oceanfront estate has been listed as a “fixer-upper” by its broker, who cited the property numerous shortcomings, chief among them the fact that it possesses only one infinity pool, a single helipad, and what the listing describes as “a tragically modest 14 bathrooms.” The Listing The...

A Los Angeles writer remains confident his perpetually unfinished screenplay is on the verge of completion LOS ANGELES – A Los Angeles screenwriter who has been working on the same screenplay for 19 consecutive years announced this week that the project is “almost there” and “really coming together,” the same assessment he has offered, unchanged, since the script inception in the mid-2000s. The Script The screenwriter, Dale Pemberton,...

A San Diego startup unveils AI surfboard technology designed to comfort surfers after every fall... The post Surf Shop Introduces Board That Apologizes When You Wipe Out appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Fox News

A newcomer admits he surfs to be perceived rather than for the act itself, igniting... The post Santa Monica Pier Surfer Caught Surfing Ironically, Locals Outraged appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Bella Rossi (Hermosa Beach)

A coalition of marine mammals has issued formal boundaries after years of what they call... The post La Jolla Seals Demand Surfers Respect Their Personal Space appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Bella Rossi (Hermosa Beach)

A beloved Southern California swell predictor confesses his proprietary model was a coin and some... The post Surf Forecaster Admits He Has Been Guessing for Twenty Years appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Blessica Malapitan (Cloud 9)

City officials say neoprene sends the wrong message about the water being cold, which it... The post Newport Beach Bans Wetsuits as ‘Defeatist’ appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Althea Sumilang (Amarillo Beach)

The new platform crashed during its own launch, which officials are calling a successful demonstration... The post Government Launches App to Report Government Apps That Do Not Work appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Jhennipher Fernandez

City rebranding effort aims to transform seasonal floods into a tourist attraction through optimistic vocabulary... The post Manila Declares War on Flooding by Renaming It ‘Surprise Water Features’ appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Sophia Rodriguez

After years of delays, officials announce a bold initiative to modernize the modernization initiative MANILA... The post Jeepney Modernization Plan Now Includes Modernizing the Plan appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Rachel Diaz

Authorities celebrate four decades of progress on a river that remains, by all accounts, the... The post Pasig River Cleanup Reaches Year 40, Officials Cite Strong Momentum appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Alyzzabeth David

The new election technology has been praised for its warmth and criticized for its inability... The post Comelec Introduces Voting Machine That Only Asks How Your Day Was appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Rachel Diaz

The Freelancer's Funeral: Pasay's Tribute to the Overworked and Underpaid -- An Exploration of the Vicious Cycle of Self-Exploitation in the City's Freelance Market The post The Freelancer’s Funeral: Pasay’s Tribute to the Overworked and Underpaid appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Vanessa Sandoval

Makati High-End Personal Smart Air Purifier Vetting: The 'Aggressive Filter' and the Shame of the Simple Breeze -- When Your Air Tool Is a High-Cost, Vetted Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Protected The post Makati High-End Personal Smart Air Purifier Vetting: The ‘Aggressive Filter’ and the Shame of the Simple Breeze appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Alan Nafzger

Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Numerologist Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Digit): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Number -- When Your Numerical System Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Aesthetics Are a High-Cost, Vetted Asset The post Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Numerologist Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Digit): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Number appeared first on...

Makati Executive's Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Pencil Sharpener: The 'Aggressive Precision' and the Shame of the Simple Blade -- When Your Document Tool Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Vetted for Perfection The post Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Pencil Sharpener: The ‘Aggressive Precision’ and the Shame of the Simple Blade appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Rheychell...

Makati Executive's Preferred Brand of Noise-Dampening Office Desk: The 'Aggressive Hush' and the Shame of the Simple Knock -- When Your Input Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Sound Profile Is Viciously Vetted for Quiet The post Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of Noise-Dampening Office Desk: The ‘Aggressive Hush’ and the Shame of the Simple Knock appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Jhennipher Fernandez

Man’s definition of peak surfing age conveniently tracks his own aging Reporting brought to you... The post Surfer Insists He Is In His Prime At An Age He Previously Called Washed Up appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Adéla Novotný (Castle Rock Beach)

Man believes his accumulated bad luck has earned him a cosmic refund Reporting brought to... The post Surfer Insists The Ocean Owes Him A Good Session After All He Has Endured appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Laylan Connelly

Man rebrands his deteriorating equipment as a treasured classic Reporting brought to you by Bohiney... The post Surfer Insists His Beat-Up Old Board Is Vintage Rather Than Just Old appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Kailani Hekekia (Pipeline)

Man chooses the bad peak so he never has to compete for waves Reporting brought... The post Surfer Insists On Surfing The Worst Wave In The Lineup To Avoid Competition appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Althea Sumilang (Amarillo Beach)

Man interprets obvious ridicule as the admiration of aspiring proteges Reporting brought to you by... The post Surfer Insists The Younger Surfers Look Up To Him While They Mock Him Openly appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Adéla Novotný (Castle Rock Beach)

Angelenos express seismic ennui after underwhelming temblor Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. Jaded Locals Dismiss Minor Temblor As Not Living Up To The Standards Of Real Quakes LOS ANGELES, CA — A moderate earthquake rattled the Los Angeles area this week, prompting residents to respond not with alarm but with weary disappointment, rating the temblor as distinctly underwhelming compared to the more impressive...

Resident prioritizes documenting the disaster over fleeing it Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. Man Fleeing Flames Pauses To Ensure The Apocalypse Is Properly Captured For His Feed LOS ANGELES, CA — A Los Angeles wildfire evacuee has reportedly been most concerned, during his evacuation, about whether the dramatic footage of the approaching flames maintains the aesthetic consistency of his social media feed,...

Hollywood executive achieves new level of meetings about meetings Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. Industry Veteran Praised For Recursive Mastery Of The Pre-Meeting Meeting LOS ANGELES, CA — A Hollywood producer has achieved a new pinnacle of industry meeting culture, taking a meeting to discuss the scheduling of a meeting that will itself be about arranging a future meeting, a recursive achievement that...

Air quality alert observed through the traditional method of sitting in cars Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. Angelenos Honor Pollution Warning By Gathering In Long Lines Of Running Engines LOS ANGELES, CA — Air quality officials issued a Spare the Air day this week, urging residents to reduce emissions and limit driving, a warning that Angelenos dutifully observed by gathering in long lines of idling vehicles...

Iconic landmark seeks recognition as more than a backdrop Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. Famous Letters Said To Crave Acknowledgment Beyond Their Role As Scenery LOS ANGELES, CA — The iconic Hollywood Sign is reportedly growing weary of its role as the background to millions of tourist photographs, sources close to the landmark suggest, with the famous letters said to crave recognition as a subject in its...

Local attains enlightenment through total surrender to the parking situation Reporting brought to you by... The post Manila Resident Achieves Inner Peace By Accepting He Will Never Find Parking appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Alan Nafzger

Anti-bureaucracy initiative immediately generates substantial bureaucracy Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The... The post Bureau Announces Plan To Reduce Red Tape, Requires Seventeen Forms To Apply appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Bill Wittliff

Candidate’s complete absence of specifics proves electorally irresistible Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine... The post Politician Promises To Fix Everything, Provides No Details, Wins By Landslide appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Vanessa Sandoval

Residents move to protect the only reliably cool place in the country Reporting brought to... The post Mall Air Conditioning Declared National Heritage Site By Grateful Citizens appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Jocephyne Santos

New digital reporting tool itself found to contain a hole Reporting brought to you by... The post Government Launches App To Report Potholes, Citizens Report The App Has A Pothole appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Rheychell Gomez

Marketing departments standardize the century to a length of roughly eleven months Satire from Bohiney... The post Surf Industry Confirms Swell of the Century Now Annual Event appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Sole Meier (Malibu)

Forecasting giant says looking at the ocean is a premium feature effective immediately Satire from... The post Surfline Announces Plan to Paywall the Horizon appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Gina Mann

Surf City witnesses annual ritual by which people who own foam boards discover why foam... The post Huntington Beach Reports Record June Crowd as South Swell Converts Inland Residents to Temporary Surfers appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Afet Erdoğan (Surfrider Beach)

Weather service achieves tautological precision in describing consequences of advisory nobody left the house for... The post NWS Beach Hazards Statement Affects Entire Southern California Coast, Entire Southern California Coast Affected appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Skipper Badenhorst (Jeffrey's Bay)

Professional surfing abandons single-day championship format in favour of tour-long points race it abandoned in... The post WSL Returns to Dream Tour Format After Five Years of Finals Experiment Nobody Completely Loved appeared first on Surfing LA. Go to Source Author: Fenna De Vries (Seal Beach)

Commemorative philatelic issue achieves judicial relevance on day of release through mechanism postal officials had... The post PHLPost Releases Stamps Celebrating Supreme Court’s 125th Anniversary, Stamps Immediately Become Evidence in Separate Case appeared first on Manila News. Go to Source Author: Mykaelah Santos